Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
whose parrot is this?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize