we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
