when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize