I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
