were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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