dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
