well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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