Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
