Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
