Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
