Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
