She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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