there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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