apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
3pm strippers are depressing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
