Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize