i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
