If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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