ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
