You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
