Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
