She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
