I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
