yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
