Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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