I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
