I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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