I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
