Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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