the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
