Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
