Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
