if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
