wakey wakey hands off snakey
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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