If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize