Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
