I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize