Kiss
Puke
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
