I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
