He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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