I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
