I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
