my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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