booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish you could order shots online.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
