You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
