That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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