How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
