its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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