I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
