drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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