Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
