Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
