If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
