your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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