We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
