It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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