he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
