You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
