Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize