woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
