I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A+ Viking dick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
