so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He better not be in your backpack
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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