We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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