She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
