i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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