i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
