just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
