Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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