I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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