he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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