He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
