so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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