it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
