Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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