all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
