You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
