you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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